My Crazy Writing Life - Day 10: The First Seeds of Doubt

Ten days. That’s all it took before the doubt began to set in. Should I really be doing this? Am I wasting my time? Look at all of the things that I could be working on right now! Perhaps I should be investing my time in a real project.

I’ve been here before and know better than to listen to these passing thoughts. Yesterday, it took me three hours to edit my 2,000-word entry. When you add that to the hour that I spent on the initial draft, it’s far too much time for a simple journal entry.

Still, it’s no big deal. Life goes on. I’m not stopping, not until I’ve finished out the month. I’ve already written over 12,000 words (including this entry). I don’t want all of that effort to be for nothing. Yes, I should probably limit my posts to a maximum of 1,500 words, but once I get going, it’s hard to stop. There’s so much that I need to get out that an abbreviated version doesn’t always suffice. To my detriment, I must allow these journals to exceed 2,000 words when necessary. The process is cathartic, and helps me get down additional thoughts brewing in my head.

Large amounts of editing always makes an author question themselves. It’s evidence that real projects take work; hard work, unlike text messages that can be typed up and shared in a few minutes, if not seconds.

Should I be more careful with my words? Probably. Should I nail down all of my points beforehand so that I don’t go too far off topic? Perhaps. Let’s not forget this is a journal. Anything goes.

Whenever I doubt myself, I’ll come back to this page. Just because something requires hours of editing doesn’t mean it’s time to abandon ship. It means the stakes are higher and now you have to get serious if you want to see it through.

This happens with most projects, even journals. I remember being overwhelmed by the editing task before me when I wrote the first draft of The Key of Neverhence. It was 77,000 words long and needed major surgery. I only rewrote ten percent of it before I decided that I really should be writing new content instead. When I had the chance, I’d get back to Neverhence. Seven years later, the draft still languishes. If I had done a little bit each day for a year, the novel would be published and earning money.

But that’s what a smart person would do. Please don’t confuse me with one of them.

Don’t allow yourself to get discouraged with the editing process. Break it down and tackle a little bit at a time. Even a couple thousand words can feel daunting, which is how I felt last night. But 500? You can do that in your sleep.

That’s what I started with and then quickly took a break. There, 25% done! I kept chipping away, little by little until it finally got done. Even though it only took three hours to whip it into shape, it felt far longer than that. (Authors are masters at playing mind games, which frequently backfire.)

The reality is that only a few sentences present real problems. Once I broke through those, I was able to go for a while before getting tripped up again. Perhaps I should have skipped over them? That doesn’t work for me. Often the sentence that needs work alters the chemistry of a paragraph and the ones around it. (I’m still getting a handle on the editing process, but eventually I’ll get it.) So if you’re stuck or your enthusiasm has evaporated, just remember that if you can get past one sentence, you’ll be good for a while.

Part of the problem stems from editing at the sentence level. What’s the point of making every sentence pretty if you lose sight of the story? Dean Wesley Smith pointed this out in one of his blog posts (I can’t remember which one but the sentiment is also buried here) and it really got me thinking. Would writers be better off editing at the story level and allowing their work to be rough? Besides, how we write is often how we speak. Are we polishing our voice right out of it by doing extensive edits? In fact, is that what I did last night?

If a writer allows their work to be more in line with how they naturally speak, they’ll produce a lot more. Boatloads more, actually. Editing deters prolific writing; the more perfect an author wants it to be, the less gets published.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. We all want to sound good and show off our knowledge of the craft. But simple sentences can be just as effective as meticulously crafted prose. You’ve got to hit the right balance, and it’s not always obvious until you’ve written a few books and read many more.

Sometimes turning off the mind is exactly what the doctor ordered. Can you imagine how much Guinness World Record holder Ryoki Inoue would have produced if he had indulged his self-doubt for a nanosecond? Would he have finished a fraction of the 1,100 novels that he wrote in his prime? Or would he have gotten discouraged and thrown in the towel before getting started?

Just to give you an idea of how prolific this guy is, here’s an article by Matt Moffett (The Wall Street Journal, May 2nd, 1996). In it, Mr. Moffett describes how Ryoki started “around 10” and wrote straight through the evening, finishing his 195-page manuscript “at 5:30 a.m., having consumed most of a packet of pipe tobacco and half a pot of coffee.” Assuming 250 words per page, that’s the equivalent of a 48,000-word manuscript in a little less than eight hours.

But that’s nothing. Apparently Mr. Inoue has a system for writing three books in one day. It just boggles the mind!

So why am I complaining about editing 2,000 words? Really, I have much to learn about the writing process.

When in doubt, just keep going. Turn off the negative voices in your head and don’t let anything stand in the way of success, least of all, you.

Day 1: 1,035 words
Day 2: 1,045 words
Day 3: 1,035 words
Day 4: 1,560 words
Day 5: 1,193 words
Day 6: 1,157 words
Day 7: 1,102 words
Day 8: 1,643 words
Day 9: 2,057 words
Day 10: 1,038 words
Total: 12,865 words

My Crazy Writing Life - Day 7: New Year's Mayhem

The following was previously written on January 1, 2014, but I’ve been unable to edit it until now. Still, it seems appropriate. Enjoy!

Caca Pedo Poo-Poo

With a new year comes new possibilities. And challenges. And mayhem. And excruciating pain. And little kids pulling out your hair (what's left of it), and screaming at the top of their lungs.

That sort of thing...

Such was the scene last night. Even though 2014 was barely a minute old, a voracious mob of abandoned children thundered into my room, screaming into my ear, smacking me on the side of the head, and occasionally removing their clothes.

"Foolish children," my voice darkened. "Keep this up and I'm going to add you as a character in my book!"

"Oh yeah? Well you're a caca pedo poo-poo!" My pint-sized nephew Keyvan laughed.

"You're lucky that Christmas has already passed. Do you know what Santa does with naughty boys like you?" Sparks of fire raced through my eyes.

"Caca poo-poo!" He pointed.

"He punishes them. Perhaps he sends you a gift, a gift that looks ordinary on the outside, but is far from it." I leaned forward. "A few years back, one such child got a toy Jeep for Christmas. Although he could see something in the rear of the car, he couldn't open the back door."

"Poo-poo!" Keyvan insisted.

"When the little boy was fast asleep, the rear door opened and a tiny creature scampered into the darkness, making a home for himself in the musty, old basement. Every night, the filthy creature crawled through the ventilation ducts of the house and gazed at the naughty little boy, whispering foul things that materialized in his dreams. Nightmare after nightmare, the boy could not get any sleep, and slowly he became aware of the hideous beast lingering in his basement. When he caught a glimpse of its shadow one night, he woke up his parents and told them that a monster was living in the basement.

"Don't worry, it's probably just a mouse," said his father. "We'll call pest control in the morning." He rolled over and went back to sleep.

But if any of them knew what was living under them, they would have known that hiring an exterminator was a futile effort. Goblins live off the rodents in one's house, and more importantly, the fear in little boys’ hearts.

As the weeks went by, the little boy locked himself in his room, taped the vents shut, and secured all the windows. Still, the fiend with a face full of scars and rotten teeth carved a path to his room.

The boy cringed as he heard the creature chew through the floorboards and slip under his bed one night. He jumped up, and grabbed a baseball bat nearby. "Leave me alone!" he screamed.

The goblin snickered, his green peepers pulsing with a supernatural energy. Finally, the boy couldn't take it anymore, and charged forward swinging.

Although his bat did not find its mark, the intruder's teeth did. The goblin disappeared in the basement where he was not seen again.

Upon learning that a wild animal had bitten her son, his mother promptly took him to the hospital, forcing him to succumb to the prick of sharp, pointy needles that stabbed him like daggers.

But it did little good.

Boils began forming all over the kid's skin, even the most private parts. Though his body itched all over, he dare not scratch it, lest he be subjected to even crueler rashes that might never go away. Shortly thereafter, his hair fell out, and teeth broke off and began to rot.

It was not long before the boy ran away, now a hideous goblin searching for a new home to haunt. But all of this could have been averted if he had simply been kind to his elders.

"You're a caca, pee-pee, poo-poo booger that's farted out of a goblin!" The psychopath smacked me on the top of the head and ran away.

"Just wait until next Christmas!" I hollered.

Productivity Log

Even though this household of lunatics did not want me to jot down a single word, I still had a productive day. As I waded through an assortment of stock imagery in my archives, I came across a story that I started last year titled The Forgetful Alien and promptly vomited out 3,000 words. Yes, just like the exorcist, and no less possessed.

While writing, I took a wrong turn somewhere and was unable to resolve the ending. Still, I put in some good work, and have about three quarters of it now. Tomorrow I will go through what I've written and push through to the end. If I can just reach the finish line, I know I’ll sort out the details and eventually publish it. Finishing an idea while it's still fresh is of utmost importance.

I've also done a good job keeping up with my writing journal thus far, and now readers have a good idea of the maniacal character that I am. 2014 promises to be my most productive year yet. Now I just need to produce. Even though my goal was to write only 1,000 words a day in this journal, I already have an entry over 1,500.

Yikes! Here it comes…

Don’t be surprised to see a few 2,000-word entries in the near future. I just can’t help myself.

Ok, that's it for now. Certainly I've gone over my allotment for the day. 2014 is off to a great start. It’s time to become the writer that I always wanted to be.

Make something of yourself! Be the inspiration that others need in their lives.

--S.E. Gordon
(Kind of an author)

Simple Truths:

• It's impossible to win with a child, no matter how clever you are.
• Caca Pedo Poo-Poo is not a grammatically correct.
• There’s a goblin in every child; it’s an undeniable fact.
• Composing your thoughts in a house full of lunatics is like swimming upstream in a pair of water-dissolvable shorts.
• Even the best children's book can be improved by adding Caca Pedo Poo-Poo.
• If you lock yourself into a dungeon, the monsters will still find a way in.
• Go to a land far, far away where no one can see or bother you, and you'll find your angry wife at the other end of your cell phone every five minutes.
• In short: take advantage of those quiet moments before they slip away. Once they’re gone, they’re gone for good.

Oh yeah, and:

• Finish an idea while it's still fresh in your head.
• If you can reach the finish line just once, you’ll find a way to polish and publish your work.

Day 1: 1,035 words
Day 2: 1,045 words
Day 3: 1,035 words
Day 4: 1,560 words
Day 5: 1,193 words
Day 6: 1,157 words
Day 7: 1,102 words
Total: 8,127 words

My Crazy Writing Life - Day 6: What I Really Want

Never am I at a loss for setting ridiculous, unobtainable goals:

I want to be the most prolific author in the world.

Heck, I want to be the most prolific author in literary history!

That was my goal, at least initially. As I put in the long hours, my love of writing began to wane. Something was wrong; I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

It’s taken awhile, due to my stubborn personality and incredibly hard head, to realize what’s truly important:

• Enjoy what you are doing.
• Be consistent.
• And have the freedom to write whatever you want.

If I have all of these things—personal satisfaction, productivity and freedom—does the rest really matter? As long as I can pay my bills, I’ll be fine.

Still, I would like to be more proficient at my craft.

In July 2012, I produced 21 children’s picture books in a single month. Although these books were simple in nature, the experience gave me the feeling of being a prolific writer. But there was very little writing involved. I found myself writing more for the available artwork than the actual story, and soon began questioning my purpose. Months later, when people started posting positive reviews of Aveline and Taming Your Pet Monster: An Operational Guide, I decided to revisit everything that I had produced previously. To my surprise, the quality was good, and several titles would find success just a few months later.

Though I had begun to tire of writing children’s books, I was satisfied with each and every one of them. The effort was good, even though many had been produced in a short period of time, often a single day.

In hindsight, I shouldn’t have slowed down or stopped at all. I should have trusted my instincts and not doubted myself just because I was having difficulty selling. By being fixated on sales, I produced significantly less than I could have.

This time around, I won’t make the same mistake. I’ll ignore sales numbers and focus on productivity. As long as I create the best books that I am capable of, the sales will come. It’s inevitable.

And although I’ve said that I’ll take a break from children’s books to focus on my more “serious” works, I’ve had a change of heart. These books are helping children, notably my autistic seven-year-old son. All I needed was a time out, and now that I’ve had it, I’m ready to tackle the new challenges before me.

Eventually, I would like to get back to producing an original children’s book each week in addition to my normal writing. Although this appears to be a no-brainer, it’s actually a lot more difficult than it sounds. Tons of effort goes into producing children’s books, and as I get closer to the finishing one, I find that I can do little else. Sleep eludes me, and the need to finish pushes me through fatigue and exhaustion. This time, I’ll pace myself better so that I don’t burn out.

I would also like to make a significant change to my children’s books. While my picture books are typically a few hundred words (due to limited attention spans), instead I will produce stories at least 3,000 words in length. This shift from flash fiction to short stories increases the age range slightly from children 2-5 to children 3-6. A subtle, but significant difference.

Aside from publishing children’s books on a consistent basis, I’d also like to finish all of the languishing projects on my plate. For each new story I finish, I’ll alternate and wrap up a partially completed one. These all need to get out the door eventually, so now is the time to get them done.

I also need to follow up my successful works, distribute my books to all of the proper channels, and fix any errors that I come across. I would also like to focus on my website and sell directly to the reader.

But first things first. Let’s get some consistency in the writing process, starting with this journal. I will use it to chart my progress and keep myself writing every day. Even if I fall short of my goals, I will maintain this journal nonetheless.

I also need to be careful not to over commit myself while juggling friends, family and a full time job. That’s why I’m going to stagger these goals initially, and tackle them once I’m ready.

Here is an early list of my goals for 2014:

1. Write consistently every day in your journal (minimum 1,000 words).
2. Write one new children’s book per week starting in February (minimum 3,000 words).
3. Finish all of your incomplete projects, alternating between old and new.
4. Distribute all of your books to as many legitimate vendors as possible (Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Smashwords, Omnilit, Teachers Pay Teachers, Lulu).
5. Enjoy what you do. (That’s a must!)
6. Strive to become a better writer by learning something new each day.
7. Fix all problems that you encounter.
8. Focus on productivity rather than sales or reviews.
9. Invest time in your author store and develop original content for it.
10. And most of all, have fun!

Although this isn’t a complete list by any means, it’s enough to get started. I also added an item or two that needs to be discussed in detail (more on that later). Of all of these, the most important is the last one.

Have fun with it, even if you never make millions of dollars off your craft. Nothing’s guaranteed, especially in this industry, so why not? Get personal fulfillment from your writing today. Money can’t be the only motivating factor, and if one truly genuinely enjoys their work, they’ll produce more content with fewer breaks.

Although I decided several years ago what I wanted to do with my life, I still need to remind myself to have fun every once in a while. Yes, it’s a business. I get that. And yes, it’s how I feed my family. But it’s more than that. My work affects people, causes positive change in the world, amuses some, helps others, and may ultimately lead to success. Don’t write aimlessly just to capitalize on a buck; otherwise, you may not want to do it anymore.

Last, I’d like to break 200 total products this year. Currently, I’m sitting at 117. It’s going to take quite a bit of effort to publish another 73 titles this year while working a full time job. And if this was my only job? Heck, I’d knock it out in three months. (Grr…)

I must step up to the plate and produce. There are no excuses. It’s now or never.

This is your path.

This is your calling.

This is what you will do every day until you die.

So get busy. There’s nothing that can stand in your way except yourself.

Day 1: 1,035 words
Day 2: 1,045 words
Day 3: 1,035 words
Day 4: 1,560 words
Day 5: 1,193 words
Day 6: 1,157 words
Total: 7,025 words

My Crazy Writing Life - Day 5: My Flawed Writing Process

When I first started writing seven years ago, I wasn’t sure which approach I’d take. Should I use an outline? Or should I write off-the-cuff (i.e., whatever came to mind)? Typically, I’m a slow writer, and wanted to find something that would speed me up. With the outline approach, I’d seen the joy of writing evaporate as every major decision was decided beforehand, the process marginalized by pouring a lifeless story into a ready-made cast. Besides, the best stories are designed, not thrown onto the page, right?

A short time later, I read Stephen King’s Author Note in The Green Mile, which made me realize that quite a few successful novels had been written serially. What captivated me about this process was that the writer lived for the moment, writing down what they knew at the time, and moving forward without knowledge of where the story would lead next. The process sounded exciting, and made every day a unique adventure.

Afterwards, I started practicing stream-of-consciousness exercises, where I wrote down thoughts as they came to me, focusing solely on the next few words. By taking it one sentence at a time, I found that I could put down several thousand words without difficulty, and the quality wasn’t bad at all. In fact, it was quite good. With a little practice, my writing improved along with my speed.

Quickly I fell in love with panstering, or writing by the seat of your pants, but it’s far from a perfect process. At first I did it wrong, worrying about quality and rewriting everything that I’d written over and over until I was sick of it. Ultimately, editing is the where an author earns their keep, and readers are only willing to pay high prices for well-edited manuscripts.

But what exactly qualifies as “well-edited”? Is there a barometer one has to pass to meet this criteria? A certain number of rewrites? Or a certain number of times that you must reread your work until you can no longer find any errors? Surely you can’t write something of quality that comes off the top of your head!

And what if I veer off track? That happens time-to-time with panstering. More importantly, what if you don’t know that you’ve veered off track? No one wants to discover after the fact that dozens of pages, or in some cases an entire manuscript, must be tossed.

But the risk comes with the territory. If you discover that you’ve made a wrong turn somewhere, back up, throw out the offending text, and try again. It’s not worth your time to try to fix a passage that is deeply flawed or simply stinks. Try, try again! You’re creating so much content anyways that you can afford to throw out some every now and then. It’s the nature of the beast.

There does come a time when you realize that a light framework is beneficial. Think about the point that you’re trying to reach and move towards it. This simple structure should be flexible enough to throw out if you come up with a better idea along the way. Mistakes can be expensive, especially when time is used as currency. You can write more effectively and faster if you hash out a few details beforehand and it doesn’t seem to hinder the panstering process.

If all this feels unnatural, toss out your notes and write what’s in your head. There’s no right way to do this.

Personally, I’m a sucker for the freewheeling nature of panstering. It’s a system of discovery, and relies on listening more than thinking. It’s the closest thing to freedom that I’ve ever felt, and once you’ve tasted it, you’ll be hooked.

Plenty of arguments can be made for the efficiency of outlining, but I’ve seen writers plan out their books extensively beforehand only to find a very different story when they finally enter it. Sometimes the two are not conductive and new characters appear out of thin air, bringing a fresh round of analysis and doubt. Slowly the story ekes out of them, and frequently they grind to a halt, pondering over a single sentence or paragraph.

Yes, I’ve heard of writers obsessing over a sentence or paragraph for months, and I am no less the sucker for wanting my words to sound good the first time they come out of me. But writing flowery prose that dazzle and sing is fool’s gold. You’re better off aiming for clarity instead.

For argument’s sake, let’s assume that the aforementioned process from outline to final draft takes six months for a 100,000-word novel, and that you will not get stuck for an appreciable amount of time. If one were to write 2,500 words per day, every day, they’d finish a draft in six weeks. Every one and a half months, the author could churn out a new draft even if they didn’t know what the story was about.

“But what if I have to throw out large sections of my manuscript?” you say.

Good. It means that you’ve discovered what you want to say. Make a few notes, keep what’s working, and tell the story better, the writing process becoming a redrafting process. Notice I didn’t use the word “rewriting.” More and more I’m discovering about the ineffectiveness of rewriting chapters over and over again and instead trusting the creative side of my brain.

Writing “off-the-cuff,” can help a manuscript evolve through a series of drafts, or you can (gasp) move on to something else. Alternatively, the outlining approach produces a more mature draft from the outset, and the story is more likely to stay on a predefined course. In the end, it’s possible that a combination of both can yield effective results; what one lacks in complex structure, the other makes up for with spontaneity, energy and excitement.

As an added benefit, panstering is easy to plan out on a calendar. Every day you know exactly where you’ll be, because you have to produce or else. All you need to do is hit your word count goal for the day, and you never think too far ahead, instead focusing on the excitement of the moment.

Outlining can also produce a manuscript in a short amount of time if you’re comfortable with it. Neither process is necessarily better, and the benefits are entirely debatable. It’s up to you.

But here’s where I have a problem with the structured approach: outlining tends to insert editing into the process too soon, that’s why initial drafts take longer. Also, it seems (to me, at least) that all of the excitement is sucked right out of the project when you plan to the last detail. Something must be unaccounted for that sparks your imagination, otherwise the process is cumbersome and secretarial and the writing suffers.

Although I respect the structured approach, it’s not for me. I love watching a story materialize out of thin air and discovering fantastic gems buried deep inside of me. Since writing entails a huge investment of time and hard work, the joy of discovery is the one thing that keeps me going each day.

And enjoyment is a necessity.

Day 1: 1,035 words
Day 2: 1,045 words
Day 3: 1,035 words
Day 4: 1,560 words
Day 5: 1,193 words
Total: 5,868 words