We’re on fire!
Hopefully
You have something left in your coffers
Because things are about to get
A whole lot more interesting
Not to mention
Expensive
It’s time
For my hot picks
Creeley’s voice booms
A woman and two men
Walk onstage
Each step
Silky smooth
Too perfect
To be human
Synthetic soldiers
Discovered in a secret stash
Or discarded by The Republic
A fourth follows
With a strange twitch
Stumbling
As if drunk
Every bushel
Has its rotten core
Nonetheless
I urge you
Take advantage
Of my ignorance
Surely he can be fixed
For the bargain-basement price
Of 50,000 credits
50,000 credits?
What are you trying to pull here?
He can barely walk
Wressen balks
I’ll bet 1,000 credits
He can’t say a word
Even a fool’s wager
I’ll gladly accept
Creeley grins
The truth is
It’s difficult
To shut him up
Isn’t that true Gyruss?
Say a word or two
For the crowd
What to say
What to say
The pale droid scratches his head
I am a GSR-8 autonomous system
Series 4
Patches 11.2 and 13.1
Green star
Environmentally sound
I have been self-aware
27 months
13 days
And 19 minutes
Though my internal records show
I’ve been active for five years
Do not panic
I am not a refab
My internal banks
Most likely compromised
Due to the events
Of October 19th
As you can see
I am in prime condition
At least five decades remaining
Of loyal and efficient service
Furthermore
The android twitches
Furthermore
I am government-certified
And field-ready
To repair drones
Tanks
Convoys
Even medical crafts
Shuttles
And bridges
I also have experience
Installing and maintaining weapons silos
Including the one
You are in right now
My internal repository
Contains over 10,000 schematics
Residential homes
Military bases
Prisons
Outposts
Just to name a few
If given the proper resources
I can build these for you
In a timely and efficient manner
On a personal note
My favorite color is teal
I enjoy attending operas
And live performances
I am also a certified Karaoke singer
My favorite musical instrument is the drum
I will entertain you
Enthrall your guests
And help you achieve
An optimal lifestyle
Throughout your tenders years
Furthermore-
All right Gyruss
That’s enough
Creeley groans
I can aid in reprocessing
Biodegradable waste
Solid
Liquid
Or gas
To power your entire home
And shield you
From high levels
Of radiation
Shut up Gyruss!
Creeley snaps
And furthermore-
The female droid
In yellow and black body armor
Steps forward
And kicks him in the head
Gyruss is knocked back
But does not fall
Pausing to consider
The raven-haired assassin
I believe he has a mute button
Hopefully that isn’t broken too
Wressen sneers
Mute thyself
Now and forever
Creeley moans
Though his lips
Are still moving
Not a peep
Comes from Gyruss’ mouth
I’ll give you 40,000 for him
Says Wressen
And furthermore
Gyruss’ bumbling words
Are audible again
35,000
Dang it
Wressen
Why do I always
Have to repeat the rules
Just for you
You can’t retract or modify
An existing bid
You may be my biggest client
But don’t test me
Creeley grumbles
A particle gun
Lowers from the ceiling
And points at the observation deck
Very well
40,000
And another ten percent
For my ignorance
Any other bids?
Good
Creeley shows off
The rotten array of calcium
Protruding from his gums
Now let’s move on
To something truly ballistic
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